So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sorry my hands just texted you
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
