I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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