I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
