There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
