just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
