i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I checked into jail on foursquare
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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