How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
They took my balls.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
