He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
