my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
