he told me I talked like a deaf person
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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