She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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