it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
