You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
