Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
