my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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