I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
