she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
should my penis look like a turkey
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize