I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
