i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have already put on my inside pants.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
