I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
