I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
