God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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