Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
