your parents love me but you hate me
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
