Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My nipple is on Facebook.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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