It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
