Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
