shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
