Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
