Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
