Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
