Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
