i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
