I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize