I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
