I accidentally had phone sex last night
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
