my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
you never un-have a 4some
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
