totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
