he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
