i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
