i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
