why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
