dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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