with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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