Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize