my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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