i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize