if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
