i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
