I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
