3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
