U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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