I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
