Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
