I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
