i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
