Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
