Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Farmville is her only friend.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
