I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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