I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
