Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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