So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
