a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
