So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
