I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
