Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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