forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
