I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
