I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
home. puking in laundry basket.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
