Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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