I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
