i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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