also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
