I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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