She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize