Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Bring me that man meat
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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