I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
