I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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