There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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