guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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