either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
