final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Pooping to opera.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
