I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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