His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize