The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
