I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Are my feet made of real feet?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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