How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
