If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
