Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
